Trouble in The Office

PRESS THE PANIC (ATTACK) BUTTON

I’m terrified. Tomorrow’s Monday, the beginning of the Apocalypse. I have one major deadline and a matching case of procrastination. I am only a third through the deliverable, and there are acres of numbers still to plow. Thinking about it, today, tonight on Sunday, propels me into tomorrow. It’s as if I’m already there – face to face with Goddess, probably being told to pack away my things into a carton box. Too bad my boss says I’m up for promotion this month.

I am this close to slipping.

What to do?

In terms of desperation, follow what Ally Mcbeal’s psychiatrist recommends – sing a theme song. Not the mushy love-gone-sour crap, instead, something bouncy and lively and optimistic. This theme song comes to mind, “I’m sii - nging in the rain. Just sing- ing in the rain. What a glorious feeling, I’m haaa - ppy again…”

Actually, it wasn’t raining a while ago. And now it’s starting to. I don’t get it. I used to sing in a choir.

I try to read. I pick up an Austen, and then halfway through the page I switch books and start on the new anthology I got from a friend. Can’t concentrate. I decide I’d be calmer if I gloss over Melissa Bank’s The Girl’s Guide to Fishing and Hunting (or is it Hunting and Fishing?), but then remember I left it in the car. I am too unnerved and lazy to get out and look.

Helen Fielding mentioned a Martin Amis character who was so addicted to smoking -- he was already lighting the next cigarette after he had just popped a live one in his mouth. I am that Martin Amis character, but instead of cigs, it’s books and lots of attention.

Have noticed the paragraphs above are infested with the word “I.” I this I that. There are too many. From now on, “I” shall be substituted with the word “Eech” to make me appear less egocentric. The words “me” and “mine” will also be changed to the word “eech.” So the sentence before this one should have read “’Eech’ to make ‘eech’ appear less egocentric.”

Eech am not making any sense. Song again.

“Eech sii - nging in the rain. Just sing - ing in the rain. What a glorious feeling, eech happy again…” Eech try to complete the whole song but find eechself looping back to the chorus like a pirated CD.

If eech try not to move then tomorrow, the terrifying Monday, might not come for eech. It might not notice eech and move on to Wednesday afternoon where it’s officially Christmas vacation and therefore legally allowed to not work while in the office.

Oh God oh God oh God Help help help… Please help eech…

posted by Elyss @ 10:42 PM